They call me the fool, but I think the emperor is the one who is crazy.  How can someone be the emperor of ice cream?  What does that even mean?  Ice cream is a food, not an empire.  Wouldn’t it make more sense to call him the emperor of gluttony?  Don’t tell him I said that, or else he’ll put me in his ice cream freezer.  I’ll have to eat my way out.  This week he’s stocked up on Haagen-Dazs Caramel Cone Ice Cream.  The description on the pint is, “A creamy, crunchy composition of smooth caramel ice cream, crunch chocolatey-covered cone pieces and rich caramel swirls.”  It can be found in most grocery stores.

The ice cream is smooth, rich, creamy, and sweet.  It did not have a very strong distinctive caramel flavor.  The ice cream pretty much served as the delivery system of the cone pieces.  There were a lot of cone pieces throughout the ice cream.  Every spoonful had multiple pieces of ice cream cones, the sugar cone variety, not the other kind.  Also, the pieces were pretty large and covered with a good milk chocolate.  The cone pieces were still crispy and gave a satisfying crunch if you bit into them, or you could let the chocolate melt in your mouth instead.  I looked for the caramel swirls and couldn’t find much.  There were a couple small darker spots in the ice cream with what I assume was supposed to be the caramel swirl and I did get a bit of a caramel flavor from them.  But they were not nearly as generous with the caramel swirl as with the cone pieces.

Overall, this ice cream was very enjoyable due to the amount, size, and crunchiness of the cone pieces.  It has been a long time since I’ve had an ice cream with that many mix-in ingredients.  Normally, it seems like the store bought ice cream scrimps on the mix-ins.  I highly recommend this flavor.

320 calories per serving

Overall rating: 4.5 out of 5 cones

Banana, banana, orange you glad I said banana?  Are you glad to see me or is that a banana in your pants?  Why did the banana go out with the prune? Because he couldn’t find a date.  What does this all prove?  That sometimes you can have too many bananas jokes, or even too much banana in your ice cream.  This week the Emperor decreed that all we could eat was Talenti Banana Chocolate Swirl Gelato.  According to the Talenti website, this flavor is described as “Deliciously rich banana gelato is blended with a golden Argentine caramel swirl with bits of elegant chocolate to create a bold flavor reminiscent of the best banana flambé.”

In general the Talenti gelatos have superior ingredients and this flavor was not an exception.

The banana gelato has a very strong banana flavor.  It pretty much overpowers everything else in this ice cream.  It is a very sweet, fruity flavor, with a bit of a tangy aftertaste.  It had a good creamy texture.  The chocolate bits were mostly pretty small, but there were enough mixed in that you got some in every bite.  The chocolate bits were made with relatively dark chocolate which contrasted nicely with the overly sweet fruity banana flavor.  In general the chocolate bits could have been a little larger.  The caramel swirl had a deep creamy caramel flavor, but we really needed some more of it to stand out from the chocolate flavor.  The caramel swirl did add texture, and when the flavor did come to the forefront from the banana flavor it was a very nice and contrasted well.

How much banana is too much banana?  Well for me, this was too much banana.  If you do like  banana flavor ice cream, then run, don’t walk to your nearest Target, and shell out $4.49 for this ice cream.

Rating: 3 bowls

Talenti is laughing at the Emperor.

Not long ago the Emperor reviewed their Caramel Cookie Crunch flavor and chortled at the thought of not finishing the pint in one sitting.

Well, this week the Emperor unscrewed a pint of Talenti’s Banana Chocolate Swirl.

It’s banana gelato with lots of chocolate crumbles and a little caramel swirl for good measure.

But wow, that banana hits with the force of a tropical hurricane in the mouth.

The Emperor had to put it away and come back for seconds later.

This is not in the Emperor’s character.

You don’t get to be the Emperor of Ice Cream being conservative in your consumption.

But the banana flavor was so powerful that the Emperor had to finish this one over several sessions.

The Emperor prefers chunks over crumbles and this pint had a very generous amount of crumbles, some of it glomming together into chunks. So the Emperor was pleased enough.

Worth a taste.

Talenti should be commended for another worthy effort. Their flavors are distinctive.

Texture: 7 – Not as fine as their Caramel Cookie Crunch, but damn good.
Flavor: 8 – Extreme banana. But the Emperor likey, in small divided doses, like his meds.
Chunk: 7 – Uniform bits of chocolate throughout; a few big chunks.
Overall: 22 – If you love banana plus chocolate, you will love this.
Scoops: 4 of 5.

Ever since he saw reruns for Gilligan’s Island, the Emperor has been craving something with coconut in it.  Personally, I think he’s been hit in the head with one.  But this week he served the court Haagan Das Coconut Macaroon Ice Cream.  This flavor can be found at target and is in a purple “Limited Edition” pint.  The description describes it as “soft, chewey coconut macaroon cookies, crumbled and folded into delicate coconut ice cream.”

You can smell the coconut when you open it.  It had a uniform creamy color, and you can see the bits macaroons in it.  It was loaded with bits of coconut macaroons.  You got some in every bite.  Most of the bits were smaller, but there were some large chunks that you could sink your teeth into.  The macaroon pieces had a good texture, not soggy or hard.  They tasted like actual macaroon pieces.  You can taste the actual coconut pieces in them.

I was a little disappointed with the base ice cream.  The ice cream had a good texture, thick and cream.  I’m just not sure what they meant by ‘delicate’ in the description.  Maybe they meant the coconut flavor, because I was a little disappointed by it.  I was expecting something more like Ben & Jerry’s Urban Jumble kind of coconut ice cream or maybe something like you’d get for desert in a Thai restaurant.  However, it seemed to me that the coconut flavor was not very strong, making it kind of boring.

When you are making a premium ice cream, and expecting people to pay a premium price, you need to step it up a notch.  I think this would have been a better ice cream if it included chocolate chunks as an ingredient. Macaroons are often sold after being dipped in chocolate, so this would have worked with the flavor, and it would have served to break up the coconut flavor.

Overall, I’d say good effort.  I really liked the macaroon bits.  But, I found the coconut ice cream a bit bland.  If you are a coconut or macaroon fan, you should try this ice cream.

This ice cream has 290 calories per serving.

Rating: 3 ½ cones

The Emperor has a weakness for all things coconut.

So the Emperor happily indulged this week in Haagen Dazs’s limited edition flavor, Coconut Macaroon.
But surprisingly the Emperor succumbed to the meh reaction.

Coconut ice cream with crumbles of coconut macaroon.

The Emperor liked the flavor, but was not wowed.

Every bite had a fair amount of little macaroon bits.  But not the chunks the Emperor demands and adores.

Some chocolate on the macaroons would have helped break up the endless coconut flavor.

The ice cream itself is not as finely textured and flavored as a Talenti flavor.  But still premium, if restrained.  Not over-the-top chunkiness like a Ben & Jerry’s.

For the coconut-nut.

Texture: 7 – Perhaps Talenti has raised the Emperor’s standard for texture.
Flavor:   8 – Coconut squared.
Chunk:   7 – Uniform bits throughout but no big chunks.
Overall: 22 – If you love coconut, you will love this.
Scoops:  4 of 5.

I scream, you scream, we all scream in the emperor’s dungeon after I suggested he might be gaining a little weight from eating all that ice cream.  All they feed me here in the dungeon is ice cream.  Let me describe what they served me for dinner.  It’s called Talenti Caramel Crunch Cookie Gelato.  What the hell is Gelato anyway?  I think it’s overpriced ‘gourmet’ ice cream with a lower butterfat content making the ice cream lighter and not as thick.  I think the emperor considers himself a ‘foodie.’

I was able to get a pint of Talenti Gelato at Target.  It is priced in the premium category.  It is in a clear container, so you can see the ice cream.  In this case, you can see the swirls of caramel, with small bits of chocolate covered cookies, in a vanilla ice cream.

I found the gelato to be lighter and less dense than a normal ice cream.  It was easier to scoop and melted a little faster.   The base was a vanilla ice cream.  It had a good, clean vanilla flavor and texture.  But the caramel swirl was the stand out flavor and pretty much overwhelmed the flavor of the ice cream.  There was enough gooey caramel swirl to get some in each spoonful.  It had a nice caramel taste not as sweet as the ice cream, which was a pleasant contrast to the very sweet vanilla ice cream.  The cookie chunks were covered in chocolate.  Actually, I’d call them bits more than chunks as they were pretty small.  They were crisp, but not hard, exactly like a cookie is supposed to taste.  Also, there could have been more of them.  Overall in some imperceptible way, the ingredients did seem to be of high quality.

Talenti advertises as being made with hormone free milk and pure cane sugar if you care about that kind of thing.  At 220 calories per serving, it has slightly fewer calories than some other ice creams.  You will find yourself paying a little extra compared to other ice creams.

Rating: 4 1/2 scoops - It would have had a 5 if there were more cookie bits.

The Emperor unscrewed a pint of Talenti’s Caramel Cookie Crunch gelato this week.

Gelato is part of the Empire. Back off haters.

Yes, the Emperor’s empire includes gelato.  And for that matter soft serve and even Dippin’ Dots if you must know.

And, yes, the Emperor said unscrewed.

The lid screws on.

The lid reminds the Emperor of the container for an upscale facial cream.  The feel of the lid is substantial, lux.

The Emperor digs out his platinum spoon to complete the experience.

Then the Emperor chortles ominously at the screw-on lid.

As if the Emperor will only take a dab of the gelato and then return it to the freezer.  As if the pint’s lid will ever be screwed back on once it’s opened.  As if.

Suffice it to say that the packaging is stylish genius.

If Steve Jobs had designed an ice cream pint, this would be it.

The clear container adds to the anticipation of eating the gelato.  You see the brilliant color of the swirl from the outside and want to put it in your mouth.

It looks like a pint of granite counter top.

Ms. Swirl says, “I’m ready for my close up, Mr. Emperor.”

Talenti’s Caramel Cookie Crunch is a cookies and cream variation with a caramel swirl.

The texture of the vanilla gelato is refined, dense.  In a word, premium.  The Emperor believes the quality of the gelato itself is beyond reproach.

The Emperor consulted Wikipedia to learn that gelato differs from ice cream in that it does not have air mixed in.  Thus the superior mouth-feel of the gelato versus ordinary ice cream.

The caramel swirl is creamy and generous in amount.  No complaints here either.

But the cookie bits–while truly crunchy–are few and far between.

The Emperor harumphs and says, “I am not amused.”

Chunk-snobs like the Emperor will be left unsatisfied.  The Emperor declares that they should change the name of this product to “Caramel Cookie and Three Crunches” to be accurate.

This flavor is truly worth a try though as an occasional retreat to restrained luxury.

The high quality ingredients, especially the perfect gelato, compel the Emperor to explore all of the Talenti flavors – and compare them with the other premium brands.

Who makes the best chocolate?  The best pistachio? Vanilla?  Talenti?  Ben and Jerry?  Haagen Dazs?

Pondering the imponderables, again.

Texture: 10 – Super-premium, no fluff.  None better.
Flavor:   8 – Sweet but restrained.
Chunk:   2 – Where are the chunks?
Overall:  20 – Lux.  A must try.
Scoops:  4 of 5.

The fool is happy on the outside, but is crying on the inside.  However, once in a rare while, he comes upon something that makes life, for at least a brief moment, enjoyable.  He stops, takes a deep breathe, and feels that he can get back to the daily grind of mocking the emperor.  Ben & Jerry’s Cinnamon Buns Ice Cream is one of those things.  It will transport you to an ice cream nirvana where all is good in the world.

The description on the pint is “Caramel Ice Cream with Cinnamon Bun Dough & a Cinnamon Streusel Swirl.”   This flavor was release as a new flavor in 2007 and unlike some new flavors that get retired quickly, this flavor became an instant classic and is still available.  I regularly see this flavor stocked at Target.

Get into my mouth you delicious ice cream

The caramel ice cream does not have a strong caramel flavor, but it is very thick and rich, and it mixes very well as a base for the other ingredients.  There are numerous large visible cinnamon bun chunks in the ice cream.  Finally, there is the very sweet, very strong cinnamon flavored streusel swirl.

The swirl serves to bind it all together.  There’s not a huge amount of the swirl, but it such a strong flavor that it is enough.  Any bit of it immediately imparts its sweet cinnamon goodness to your spoon-full of ice cream.  The swirl leaves has a little bit of a gritty texture, not in an unpleasant way, which I believe is the residue of actual cinnamon.  Some people might complain the swirl is too sweet, but hey, I’m eating ice cream and I want it to be sweet.

The cinnamon bun chunks are not quite as sweet.  There are a lot of chunks, enough to almost get one in every spoonful.  The texture of the chunks are kind of doughy and of reminded me of the cookie dough chunks and don’t seem to be too specific to cinnamon buns.

I do have to confess that I love cinnamon buns. Since its release, this is an ice cream I have come back to again and again.  If you are not a fan of cinnamon or cinnamon buns don’t get this flavor as it has a very strong cinnamon flavor.  But if you like cinnamon buns, you should love this ice cream.  It’s a perfect combination of flavors and textures.

This flavor has 280 calories per serving.

Rating: 5 spoon-fulls

This week the Emperor takes the first step to address his addiction to Ben and Jerry’s Cinnamon Buns ice cream.

He admits he has a problem.

The ice cream consists of pellets of cinnamon-bun-like dough in a light, caramel ice cream with generous swirls of sweet, cinnamon streusel.

Can I get you another pellet?

The pellets remind the Emperor that he is but a lab rat endlessly tapping the lever that feeds him ice cream.

More, please, whimpers the Emperor of Rats.

Tap tap tap.

What?  Is this thing broken?

Tap tap tap.

Maybe if I try this?

Tap tap tap.

And so on.

The Emperor finds the pellets sufficient in number to describe this pint as chunky.

But the ice cream is merely a neutral, beige backdrop for delivering the pellets and swirl.

And the swirl uses cinnamon to slide extra sugar down your gullet bringing on the high every two year old knows to be their true love.  Not mommy.  Not Elmo.  Sugar.

Then the Emperor segues gracefully back to step one of addressing his addiction:  he has another pint.

Problem solved.

This stuff is better than living.

Stop reading this.

Stop waiting for your brain plug to be installed.  (Apple is still working on it.)

Stop apologizing to the friends and loved ones you hurt, disappointed and shamed.

Go eat more Cinnamon Buns ice cream.

Texture: 8 – Dense.
Flavor:   9 – There is not much sweeter, other than a bag of sugar.
Chunk:   9 – Get your chunk on.
Overall: 26 – Nearly manna.
Scoops: 5 of 5.

Fool here.  Isn’t the emperor a little overly flowery in his writing?  I’ll give you the straight scoop on Ben & Jerry’s Chocolate Therapy Ice Cream.

Chocolate Therapy is widely available. I found it at my local Target.  The pint is marked as new and is one of the flavors introduced for spring 2012.  It is a flavor that has been available in the scoop shop.  The description on the pint is “Chocolate Ice Cream with Chocolate Cookies & Swirls of Chocolate Pudding Ice Cream.”  Would you like some chocolate with your chocolate?

Visibly, it does look very chocolaty with darker and lighter swirls of chocolate shades throughout.  The initial spoonful is an explosion of chocolaty goodness in your mouth.  The initial taste was a deep smooth chocolaty flavor leaving tiny chocolate chip pieces behind in my mouth as it melted.  The tiny chocolate chip pieces were throughout the pint.  The ice cream had a relatively uniform flavor and texture.  I couldn’t really distinguish between the pudding and the ice cream swirls.  It had a smooth and creamy texture with an overwhelming chocolate flavor.

The cookies were good and there were a lot of them swirled in.  There were cookies throughout the pint, though more cookies material did seem to have settled to the lower half of the pint than in the top half.  In contrast to the ice cream, the cookies seemed a little less sweet which broke up the experience favorably.  The cookies were halfway between a brownie and an Oreo.

I wouldn’t call myself a true chocoholic, and for me it was almost a little too much chocolate in each bite.  I was thinking that some kind of contrast might make the flavor more interesting.  Not to say that I didn’t enjoy eating it.  If you are into chocolate, you couldn’t ask for much more and are sure to love this flavor.

This flavor has 240 calories a serving, with 4 servings per pint.  But who are we kidding?  We know the emperor will eat the entire pint at once.

• Texture:  6
•  Flavor:  7
• Chunk:  7
• Overall: 20

Rating: 3.5 bowls